Things Harry Potter Taught Me
by Sinkme
Summary: I'm sure most of these are points that people have talked about endlessly, but I was bored and needed to vent some sarcasm...So this is what I came up with. 25 things I learned from reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone


What Harry Potter (and the Sorcerer's Stone) taught me:

1. It's quaint, not alarming, that a young boy grew up in a cupboard under the stairs and did not get moved to a proper room until his guardians felt threatened that someone would find out

2. It's similarly adorable that they worked him to the bone almost everyday and did not feed him

3. You can definitely trust huge strange men that come to take you away as long as they have a birthday cake

4. If you have a very identifying (and famous) facial feature, display it prominently so that everyone will know who you are

5. As annoying as a bookworm with frizzy hair is, she will prove to be the most valuable member of your very dysfunctional trio, so keep her around

6. School Houses are surprisingly counterproductive towards promoting peace and understanding between the students

7. It's funny, not horrifying, that Neville's family threw him out of a window to determine whether or not he had magic. Clearly they were justified in their choice of either a living wizard or a dead Squib

8. You definitely want to question a bitter ghost about how he can be nearly headless

9. When trying to hide something from a bunch of magical children, the best way to do it is to tell them exactly where they shouldn't go

10. When trying to hide something from a murdering psychopath it's best to make a series of "challenging" but ultimately solvable obstacles to the object he's trying to steal for immortality

11. If confronted with a professor who appears to hate you from the first time you meet him, the best way to handle it is to not study for that class and continue to antagonize said professor

12. Objects that tell you that you've forgotten something, but not _what_ you've forgotten are apparently useful in wizarding society

13. It is _not_ a bad idea to leave a bunch of eleven year olds unsupervised with magical brooms while escorting a student to the Hospital Wing because the professor was too dumb to lift a single finger to help him in the first place. Is there a point to having a flying instructor who is that incompetent?

14. Midnight duels are entirely appropriate, and Draco Malfoy is so much more cunning than anyone gives him credit for

15. Eleven year olds are entirely capable of noticing trapdoors when confronted with a three-headed monster dog

16. Rule breaking is obviously to be rewarded with a new broomstick. After all, nothing says "you could have broken your neck flying with no professor nearby" like a fast broom and a position on the Quidditch team

17. Oliver Wood is adorable

18. When a troll is on the loose in the dungeons and the vast majority of the students are centrally located in the Great Hall, the only intelligent thing to do is to send them off to wander through the halls without adult supervision and go to their dormitories (one of which is in the basement (whatever that means), and one of which is actually IN the dungeons)

19. If you have confidential information _definitely_ tell the guy who tends to get drunk in seedy bars and spill his guts to anyone who's listening while simultaneously dropping huge hints to small children when entirely sober

20. Invisibility Cloaks are the best thing ever

21. The Mirror of Erised is kind of cool but actually really twisted since in many cases your heart's desire is unattainable

22. If you happen upon a friend who is hatching a dragon in their very flammable home, definitely try to solve the problem yourself

23. It is a great idea to send a bunch of eleven year olds into the Forbidden Forest to help the gamekeeper track down something that is systematically hunting down and slaughtering unicorns

24. Stuttering men in turbans are apparently much more worrisome than I gave them credit for

25. It is a good idea to leave a young boy alone after he just _killed_ a professor, however much it was unavoidable and in self-defense


End file.
